yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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