I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
