Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
