so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
