I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
