At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
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I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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