I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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