Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
