I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
