yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
