I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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