I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
