I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
