make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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