Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
