Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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