Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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