onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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