Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
