Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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