I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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