I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize