We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
