i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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