i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
