I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
