before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
