It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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