i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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