how can u be prego again
I cockslap morals
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
