Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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