And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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