she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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