Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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