I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We won't sleep together?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Randomize
