Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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