I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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