There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
