Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
