STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The feeling are messing with the penis
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
