the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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