Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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