There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
