we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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