we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
