I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize