You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
