yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
