Where is the hickey?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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