I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
