I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
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My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How does one acquire holy water?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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