I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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