did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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