i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
