I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
