Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
