'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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