Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
organizing the empties. That sober.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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