Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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