Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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