I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
