I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
