I need help removing her.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
