the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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