His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Vodka?
Forever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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