if i can run in heels then i can drive
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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