My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize