I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
