atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
