im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
