Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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