the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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