it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
