U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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