so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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