yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
