The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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