i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So here I am, sexting at work.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
