I think i peed on brittanys purse
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
